My mind seeks to define it, my body craves to touch it, my heart yearns to feel it.
Being unable to succeed in any of these facets as of late –
We are all hurting a little inside.
If I get it all down on paper, it’s no longer inside of me.
So in my effort to begin facing these emotions, I have written this post.
how Home could mean something unexpected
and being Home-less (physically, emotionally, spiritually) could even be delightful –
I keep returning to this.
Home is … a place where something flourishes.
I’ve been trying to understand why I’ve felt captivated to take this journey leaving behind by all definitions a very successful and incredible life in Chicago.
Irrespective of going abroad, I knew it was time to say goodbye to this fantastic city and all the luxuries and friends that I have been spoiled to be surrounded by.
I want to say thank you for making Chicago a place where I flourished these past 8 years.
Without your love, I wouldn’t be the confident, strong, fearless, and scrutinizing woman that I am today.
The type of woman that lives life with a magnifying glass, ticking clock, and hand grenade.
The type of woman that decides on a whim to give up everything that made up Home in her little-big mind because the music kept playing louder and louder –
to the tune of
Otis Redding – Cigarettes & Coffee,
“It’s early in the morning
About a quarter till three
I’m sittin’ here talkin’ with my baby
Over cigarettes and coffee, now
And to tell you that
Darling I’ve been so satisfied
Honey since I met you
Baby since I met you, ooh”
but the lyrics began fading into the sad, slow melody
“And whole my heart cries out
Love at last I’ve found you, ooh now
And honey won’t you let me
Just be my whole life around you…”
and one day, she didn’t hear a love song back.
March to the beat of your own heart – drummer girl.
Find a new way to flourish and home will follow.
Farewell, my old flame – may you rest in sweet peace.